White knights are the most pathetic creature on god’s green earth. They treat women with copious amounts of fawning disguised as respect, hoping it will win them over to become their girlfriend after they’ve been with a parade of douches. The veil is easily removed when they get shut down by the fair maiden, and all of that supposed respect gets tossed out the window as they shout obscenities at the girl for being stupid for dating hot, fun guys instead of pimple-faced neckbeard mouth breathers. White knights are the Internet’s saddest inhabitant, followed closely by red pills and MGTOW. Keeping up with this amount of cringing is exhausting, but at this point white knights are kind of a specialty of our show. Why? Because we’re experts… who do you think used to be the whitest knights u know?
To prove our valor in the realm of white knights, we get out our lutes and tell a tale of a damsel clearly in distress, who could only be rescued by our resident white knighting champion, Josh. M’lady doth not see her true hero right in front of her, as she continues dating men who are fun, attractive and smart. Thus, m’lady must be rescued… from herself! Her inexperienced womanly brain simply doesn’t know what’s right for her- only the white knights of euphoria know what’s best for m’lady! Now, you may have heard of some white knights doing some pretty pathetic things, but I’d venture to guess you never heard of a single white knighting quest going on over and eight year period. Today, you shall hear the tale of the whitest knights u know… for a true knight never gives up on a quest. Even if it’s been almost a decade, and you have been repeatedly friendzoned in ever-increasingly embarrassing ways. Don your fedora, mount up upon your steed, and prepare to come along with us as we try to save m’lady! Do the white knights save the damsel in distress? You’ll have to listen, gentlesirs! But no, no they don’t.