Bullying has evolved over the years with new technology and creative young minds. Bullying used to be a fairly straightforward ordeal- the behaviorally challenged sociopaths would taunt, mock, torment and beat up the weaker kids and stuff them in lockers, and in return the weaker kids grew up to be rich successful people who work tirelessly to maintain that success in a constant effort to erase and escape their sad, lonely youth and prove to the world that they’re in fact the real winners. Unfortunately, by the time they become successful, their tormenters are either dead from meth or bagging groceries for a living. Neither option gives much opportunity for the former bullies to become aware of the success you’ve found, so there’s no real revenge in any of this, but it helps us sleep at night, along with the soft and supportive nature that’s inherent in a bed of money surrounded by prostitutes. As you’ve no doubt guessed by now, Ben was one such person who spent his fair share of childhood dealing with bullying. It explains a lot about who he is now- a very successful bipolar sociopath who jumps at shadows and swears unholy vengeance on anyone who would wrong him while desperately seeking to be liked despite his outer walls of hatred keeping people out to avoid being hurt and rejected. However, without bullying, you probably wouldn’t have this delightful show to listen to each week, so in some ways you could actually thank the bullies.
Sometimes bullying can get so cruel and relentless that even weak little fat losers like Ben can reach a breaking point. On this episode, Ben tells a story from his youth that’s quite surprising. It’s the story of the time he stood up to his bully in 8th grade. You’re probably thinking to yourself that this is a hilarious story of Ben getting his ass handed to him and crying like a little bitch. For the first time ever, you’d be wrong. While the story is indeed hilarious, what plays out is quite unexpected and must be heard to be truly understood. The message that you’ll take away from the story is that standing up to your bullies can be terrifying, but it must be done if you want to have a shot at growing up semi-normal. In a very strange episode, this could be the first uplifting story Ben has ever told, and may actually have you cheering by the end of it. It’s like the movie Rudy but without the hard work, sacrifice, or meaningful impact. So I guess nothing like Rudy at all.
Our newest obsession is reading the relationship subreddit on everyone’s favorite website of hive-minded basement dwellers, reddit. One such post was from a woman who wanted to know if she was a mean person for giving her husband an ultimatum to lose weight or lose her. According to her the husband is 450 lbs. and they can’t have sex anymore because he can’t get inside her with all the fat in the way. This leads to a discussion of how sex with obesity is even possibly, and Ben shares a story from when he was much fatter that involved some logistical issues with having sex when he was with another very fat person. It’s pretty embarrassing for everyone involved- Ben, the girl, and certainly you the listener. But that’s just because you listen to us at all. That’s on you, tubby.