Right now there’s probably some listeners screaming “reeeee why is it a rerun? This show sucks and it’s falling apart!” That might be true, but the reason for running a repeat this week is simply due to some last minute unforeseen scheduling issues. Everyone is scheduled to be back next week, and we’ll be packing subject matter. So enjoy this week’s trip down memory lane and remind yourself that this entertainment is free and you should cut us some slack. Yes, I use the word “entertainment” loosely.
Bill Paxton died. So that’s sad. Many of our favorite quotes come from Bill Paxton movies, and this week we honor him in a very special way. Meanwhile, a free press is the cornerstone to a democracy. This opinion is widely help by those not in a vegetative state, and even shares supporters on both sides of the political aisle. Trump says the press is the enemy of the people. Most of the American people are still busy laughing about how stupid and horrifying our new president is, but the laughing should probably stop now, because the idea of free press just died in front of eyes. Trump refused to let in the media outlets that he doesn’t like because they’re not nice. CNN, the New York Times, BBC and others were not allowed in to the informal press conference. That’s how you start a dictatorship, but hey whatever let’s all route for La La Land in the Oscars, it’s a magical journey of two impossibly attractive people facing marginal levels of adversity for about an hour. Nothing to see here, folks.
Milo Yiannopoulos is a senior editor at Breitbart, the website that blurs the lines between conservative news and conspiracy theories. In the past year he has gained a lot of notoriety for his paradoxical and passionate viewpoints. He loves Trump and Catholics; not as big a fan of gays and transgenders. He is an openly gay man. One might say extraordinarily gay; steeped in gayness. He caused a lot of controversy by saying Leslie Jones looks like a dude and is illiterate. He’s the poster child for the saying “You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole.” Bill Maher had him on Real Time this week and everyone lost their minds… which is exactly what he wanted. Watching people fall right into a trap set by a man of average intelligence but above average semen consumption is always a treat, but Milo Yiannopoulos may have finally met his match during the overtime clip wit Malcolm Nance. Arguing with Milo Yiannopoulos is like being called as a witness to defend yourself in court: stay calm, stick to the facts and you might just beat this thing.
SNL has brief periods of success bookended by decades of mediocrity. This year, we’re in the success period as SNL finds themselves with ratings higher than the last 10 plus years. So, what was the secret? Trump mainly; the rest of the secret seems to be having people who aren’t cast members of SNL play the important parts on the show. So, the less SNL people involved, the better SNL seems to be. Most of us could’ve figured that formula out without having to elect a mildly retarded man baby to make it obvious, but hey enlightenment is better late than never. On the plus side, if Rosie O’Donnell plays Steve Bannon, it might piss Trump off so much that he’ll self destruct. More so.
This week had most Americans trying to remember the fog of high school to piece together just what an executive order is. With so many executive orders being issued this week by Trump, just what power do they actually have? What is the point of an executive order? Aren’t there checks and balanced? If you’re looking to educate yourself on this complex subject, listen to this episode. And then go listen to intelligent people who actually know what the hell they’re talking about.
Bane was the villain in the third Batman movie from Christopher Nolan. He was a psychopath and a terrifying presence, so it shouldn’t be surprising that when Trump thought about what to say at his inauguration, he would lift a few lines from the speech Bane gave in the movie. The speech was to convince people that what was happening was in their best interest, even though it was really a plot to destroy everyone. So as you can see, there aren’t any further similarities beyond those few lines. Everything is going to be fine. Trump is not Bane. Say it a few more times to help convince yourself.
If you’ve seen the movie Idiocracy, you know that eventually we’re doomed to be a planet full of morons drinking gatorade as Earth’s last breath quietly whimpers its way out. Unfortunately, it looks like we may have warp-zoned past about 500 years of decline to arrive at that point now. The Cabinet positions under president Trump are being filled with wrestling and fast food icons, which seemed to also be what happened in the movie Idiocracy. It won’t be long now: “Welcome to Costco. I love you.”
You know what sucks? Getting old and living in a nursing home. We bring down the holiday cheer a notch this week by telling one of the saddest stories ever. I know, you want to laugh at our podcast, not cry. Well, we do an episode a week without fail and we don’t get paid. They can’t all be winners now, can they?
Can’t stop the feeling by Justin Timberlake is my go-to happy song. I turn into a complete fairy when it comes on the radio and I will immediate dance and sing. Watch us turn this into a celebration of one angry Trump supporter’s rant at a craft store about being treated poorly. Spoiler alert – this woman is an absolute, uh, it rhymes with hunt. You will hear that word a lot in this episode, so gather the kids around the radio.
Starbucks is a very progressive company. They take coffee and make it into delicious treats, and charge you double for the privilege. They also ram their progressively thoughtful opinion down your throat harder than a dick in Aurora Snow’s mouth, so that you feel like a good person just buying something there. None of this is really relevant to what happened at a Starbucks this past week when an angry white Trump voter got into an altercation with a barista, other than perhaps the Trump voter assumed his kind (angry white men) were hated by the tastefully diverse staff of Starbucks. How the fight started, we don’t exactly know, but if this man represents a typical Trump voter, judging by his position on the day in question, we’re in for a very humble and thoughtful 4 years.
As this shitshow soldiers on with mini episodes in between the main ones, Ben is toying with the idea of a new guest host. You can imagine how difficult it can be to find someone who will tolerate him on a weekly basis, so the host that he comes up with is definitely uniquely qualified to put up with his crap. Who is this person, you might ask? Listen and find out, you lazy jerk. Pretend like you care for Ben’s sake, he loves you so much in the way that an insecure and broken individual needs to be able to please people to feel wanted. Listen and make his heart sing, like an April breeze. Wait, what? I’m drunk, I’m going home.
Do I really need to type out a description for this episode? Is there even anything else worth talking about? Donald Trump, the reality TV, sexual aggressor, blowhard, fake tan connoisseur and occasional evil villain and business person, is going to be the next president of the United States of America. There’s no point in me explaining this episode. Just listen.