Parents everywhere wonder why their kids laugh when they say they’re going to just Netflix and chill tonight. It’s hard for the older generation to follow memes because they’re complex, dynamic expressions of modern culture. Or really stupid, I forget which one. Anyway, Netflix and chill means something very different to millenials, namely a proposition for sex. If a girl asks if you want to Netflix and chill, you should do so because no matter what movie you watch, there will be a happy ending.
In some cultures Ben is known as the master of rejection. He professionally gets nothing that he wants, but continues trying… namely wit women. His most recent rejection comes in the form of an entitled Long Island girl who decides she’s not really attracted enough to him to give him a shot. Those were pretty much her exact words, which may seem a bit harsh, but at least it’s honest. However, the journey that led to this point is typical Ben fashion- unorthodox, ill-advised and full of failure. Before getting to know each other, these two had graphic phone sex in order to see if Ben was capable of keeping up with her more kinky requirements. Most potential relationships lead up to graphic phone sex, but Ben never does anything in a proper manner. The details of this sordid tale will have you laughing, and possibly having a fit of rage and just how awful girls from Long Island can be.
Never one to be outdone, Chris brings his own sexy tale to the table from this week… and as usual, he wins. This week Chris found himself in the company of a former stripper who may or may not be an active prostitute, who seems to have fallen in love with him. To show him how much she loves him, she took him to a BDSM club in Manhattan. Obviously if you like someone the first thing you should do is give them an opportunity to smack you around under the guise of pleasure using paddles, chains, whips, or whatever else was kicking around in the medieval castles of old. Enjoy yet another sexy tale of a lovable loser getting himself in over his head with an ill-advised woman. This seems to be our core competency.
After being rejected by the Long Island girl, Ben does what he does best- pathetic sad things. After receiving the message that he was not in fact attractive enough to be given a chance, he went and watched Titanic. This is a common choice for strange, emasculated little boys, so no one is surprised, but Ben’s opinion on the movie did surprise people. Ben sees Billy Zane as the hero of the movie, with Leonardo DiCaprio as the scheming thief who ultimately loses out to the hero by dying, while Billy Zane lives. This was the hero’s journey most people don’t see; Billy Zane cares deeply for Kate Winslet and gives her and her mother anything to try and receive her love, which she denies him despite accepting his money and security. Billy Zane planned carefully for success his whole life, while Leonardo DiCaprio mopes around with his doodles. Then he steals Kate Winslet away, and Billy Zane’s heart gets broken. It’s only when she starts cheating on him that Billy Zane gets mad enough to slap her, which is not the worst thing in the world. You’ll have to hear his entire explanation to understand, but something tells me Ben’s opinion on this matter is not going to be shared by a lot of people. The female listeners count drops yet again.