Many people thought it would be a laughable farce when Donald Trump entered the presidential race. Those people were correct. Yet, something strange is happening: despite every major Republican candidate and public figure declaring Donald Trump is not representative of the Republican Party, he has surged in polls to be the frontrunner. Let me repeat that: the FRONTRUNNER. I guess he’s definitely representative of someone. Why is someone so publically ridiculed as a boob and a pompous fool performing so well on the down low? It’s quite simple, actually… and you can tell it’s the truth because we put precisely zero research into it. The reason Donald Trump is performing so well is because he does not give a shit who he offends or what damage he causes. In a world where not using the correct gender term or not including all countries in your life’s narrative thread can get you hated and chastised by a bunch of hipsters and baristas, the silent majority has grown quite weary of walking on eggshells. When Donald Trump said Mexican immigrants are bringing crime, drugs and rapists across the border, he lost deals with NBC, Univision, ESPN, and many others who don’t want to suffer alongside the backlash that was coming from a bunch of adderall-fueled millennials. Yet here Trump is, unapologetic and even expanding upon his statements. Some of what he says is idiocy, and some of what he says is the truth we fear to confront. Either way, he believes what he says and has balls made of adamantium. This is both incredibly dangerous, and sorely needed in our society at the moment. So in the end is Donald Trump a hero or a hack? Play the episode to find out, our new Mexican listeners!
There’s a story going around about how the British Navy uses Britney Spears songs to help drive away and defeat Somali pirates. This is tremendously pleasing to us proud Americans. The idea that our extremely attractive performers who are also terrible singers and sort of mildly retarded can drive away Somali pirates like an overhead light on cockroaches gives me a swell of American pride. The only thing more American than that would be if our Navy ship guns actually fired Big Macs and Donuts at the pirates. Speaking of which, pedophile-loved princess Ariana Grande is extremely sorry for saying she hates Americans. She was mouthing off about how she hates that Americans eat terrible food that causes obesity. Rather than using eloquent language to describe her frustrations, she chose to announce that she hates Americans while buying donuts and licking the ones on the counter. It’s a bit of a mixed message I suppose.
What happens when porn stars become parents? Friend of the show Aurora Snow has just a written a new article about it which we discuss… it seems embarrassing to have to explain yourself, but then again most of us prostitute ourselves one way or another to provide income, so who cares? You think a little boy wishes he would grow up to be a tax lawyer who excels at getting companies out of trouble through loopholes? Or a little girl dreams of becoming a human resources manager so she can enforce rules to prevent overzealous employees from filing lawsuits? No; we do those things because we get paid decent money because we’re good at them, despite our souls being slowly eroded by the depression cloud hanging over our office desks. If that’s not prostitution, then I don’t know what is.
The world of social media continues to implode to our delight… Reddit has lost its mind and its CEO, people hate or love female ghostbusters, Jared Fogle and Subway may or may not be a huge child porn pyramid scheme.. but one delightful thing emerged from social media this week: an adorable, drunken, possibly psychotic girl left a voicemail for a guy she met at a bar. The message is equal parts hilarious and disturbing, much like most women. Would you date the girl on this voicemail? Most people would probably say no because she’s a little too close to becoming unhinged… but what some people “scary” or “criminal” I call exciting. Listen and laugh to one of the greatest voicemails of all time.