Miss Teen USA is one of America’s finest creations. Realizing that ogling women while making them perform is a delightful activity, we as Americans do not rest on our laurels. How can we improve upon the Miss USA pageant? At some point a group of registered sex offenders got together and decided that girls really hit their prime at about 17 years old, but “society” deems it illegal to view porn with girls of that age. Unless of course it can get decent ratings on NBC, in which case it’s fine so long as the areolas are covered. However, outrage has been growing of late regarding the exploitation of women, so the Miss Teen USA pageant has decided to get rid of the swimsuit competition and instead will have athletic wear. Nice try, Miss Teen USA, but I assure you that a good HD picture source and some decent contrast photo filters will make athletic wear every bit as effective as the swimsuit competition when it comes to perverts getting their jollies. Or so I’ve been told.
Miss Teen USA isn’t the only thing trending towards being youthful and titillating. A new study shows that women who clean up their pubic hair are now in the majority. Even better, the largest part of that group is the subset that has opted to have completely shaven vaginas. This is wonderful news; I’d say in terms of historic days for America this ranks just below marriage equality, but probably higher than the right for women to vote. Finally we as a society can acknowledge, “I can’t be 12 years old again- but I can pretend.” Everyone’s better off with a shorn crotch; giving oral for both men and women is pleasing and enjoyable for all parties when you’re not worried about spending 3 hours trying to remove a hair from the Bermuda triangle part of your tongue.
Traveling abroad is always full of complications and unexpected problems, but in no way should your opinions be formed by your experience. If there’s a group of 10 Saudi Arabians in front of you at the bag check, with some of the bags making ticking sounds, it’s wrong of you to assume there’s a problem and you might be stuck behind them in line for a while. If it does end up happening, that’s merely a happenstance. You didn’t miss your flight because of the random security screening; you missed it because god is punishing you for your bigotry. Ben tells a tale from his recent travels that exemplifies everything that’s wrong with humankind. You’ll be wishing for your next flight to get hijacked into a building by the end of this story. Hopefully with this podcast’s hosts aboard.