Thin privilege is a delightful social construct that branches out from the equally obnoxious concept of “checking your privilege.” The idea of checking your privilege means you must preface your opinions with the natural advantages you have in life; for example, if you think working hard will lead to getting what you want, but you’re white, you must check your privilege because white people get ahead easier in this world, according to some people. So if you’re white, your opinion is invalidated because you’re white. Seems fair, right? No? No not at all. It’s an overly simplistic view of a complex society. Thin privilege is the same thing. For example, if you find that being funny and charming gets you pretty far with your sexual conquests, but you’re also thin, your actions are invalidated because you’re thin, and we all know thin people get laid and advance in life more easily than fat people.
This week we go on a journey to understand the minds of the entitled fatties of the world. Since we’re fat, we have complete freedom to say whatever we want on the subject. It’s like using the n-word for black people. Apparently there’s a large population (teehee) of fat people who hate that being fat makes them ugly, so they turn it into an equal rights sort of thing. They don’t really have a logical argument, but they say things like “fat-shaming” and “thin privilege” a lot, so I guess we should take a look and see what they’re all about. We stumble upon the blog This Is Thin Privilege which seems to be a major outlet for these like-minded people, so we have a good laugh at the idiocy going on here. And that’s important to note- we’re laughing at them because they’re stupid, not because they’re fat. We’ll laugh at them for being fat when we run out of reasons to laugh at them for being stupid.
We then find a gem on YouTube of a fat, ugly woman doing some sort of poetry slam/performance piece about how wonderful it is that Ursula from “The Little Mermaid” was a fat, sassy villain that other fat girls could relate to. If memory serves me correctly, Ursula wanted to kill lots of people and did lots of bad things to try and pull it off. I don’t think people are supposed to empathize with an evil villain… but our poetry-reading manatee thinks it’s great when she steals poor lil’ Ariel’s voice. A lifetime of taunting will turn you into a fat evil villain, eh piggy? Calm the fuck down and be jolly, like we do. Oh wait we’re never jolly, we’re angry fat curmudgeons. I forgot. Carry on, pudgy poetry practitioner.