Chemtrails have long been a favorite conspiracy theory of people who are too stupid or unwilling to read the actual scientific explanation. The chemtrail conspiracy is, in a nutshell, that the white smoke jet exhaust from commercial airplanes is actually a chemical compound being dispersed unto the citizens of the U.S. in order to control people and the population. It’s a fun theory to entertain, although most of the people buying into such nonsense are overgrown children who want to believe someone else is in control so that they feel safe. Sure, terrible things happen, but at least this way it’s planned and within our control. That seems to be more palatable to silly geese than the more likely scenario that nothing is controllable and often times, shit just happens. While discussing chemtrails, we come up with a more suitable conspiracy theory: that chemtrails are actually cumtrails, and gay semen is actually the substance being spewed out behind airplanes. I would try and explain the logic behind this theory, but honestly I’ve listened back to the audio 3 times and I still can’t follow the logic. So I guess you’ll just have to listen.
In other news, Dr. Ben Carson is a black republican brain surgeon who might run for president. The odds of finding a naturally occurring black republican brain surgeon out in the wild is, taking into account margin of error, roughly the same chance as finding a unicorn. How could a candidate like this possibly lose? Well, by saying that being gay is a choice. It could almost be forgivable if he had no reasoning for his argument; if it were just something he thought, you might chalk it up to rhetoric overexposure or some such nonsense. Unfortunately, being a doctor, he has come up with what he thinks is pretty sound reasoning: that people go gay while in prison. Dr. Ben Carson is adorable… he thinks everyone is just sexually experimenting in prison, and not that the violent rape committed by a few unto many in prison is a power trip of psychopaths. Luckily, Joe Biden is here to call him out on his stupidity. Which of course is a bit like the parable of the pot and the kettle, but Joe surprises us on this one. He actually becomes the voice of reason… for once in his life.
Lastly, we pay tribute to Daniel Von Barden, the actor who portrayed Mr. Kruger on Seinfeld (and apparently, like, a lot of other important and talented stuff. Whatever) Von Barden was battling diabetes, and had a few things amputated. I would imagine he was also battling depression, since he tried to kill himself in 2012. Regardless, he was a brilliant character actor who was one of the best tertiary characters ever on Seinfeld. Being that we are massive Seinfeld fans and half the shitty jokes we come up with are just thinly veiled Seinfeld references, we pay tribute to Daniel by reviewing some of Mr. Kruger’s best moments. K-OOOOGER!