Comic book superheroes like Marvel’s The Avengers are at the focal point of today’s faux-nerd culture. Being a nerd used to mean getting your ass kicked in school every day while achieving high grades and eventually going on to achieve career success while your tormentors try to hang on to their barista job. Now it seems being a nerd simply means you’ve opted out of progressing into adulthood and instead chose to focus your knowledge around the super powers of fictional characters in children’s picture books. The Avengers seem to be the most popular form of this arrested development, and who can blame people for being obsessed with such clever ideas as “Hawkeye”, the avenger who has good vision and opts for a primitive bow and arrow instead of a gun. Or how about “Black Widow”, the avenger who… has no super powers at all. (But she’s very attractive, so she will always have a seat at the table.) Or my personal favorite, “Captain America”, the avenger who is stronger than normal people. Oh not strong like The Hulk or Iron Man, but you know, stronger than the average person. And he has a shield, which comes in handy should the Persians or the Spartans ever show looking to pick a fight. Yes, the Avengers are now what it means to be a nerd. How far our geek culture has fallen. Oh yeah, Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans (who play Hawkeye and Captain America) are under attack from the social justice warriors, aka SJWs, for making a lighthearted silly joke about a fictional character being a slut. I hope they’re taught a lesson that whatever you do and say may be taken wrong by imbeciles, so it’s on you to monitor your choice of words lest you suffer the wrath of the incorrectly offended.
In other news that has little to no impact on anything, Kat Dennings (you may know her from “The 40 Year Old Virgin” or “Thor” or “2 Broke Girls) is a deeply devoted fan of Seinfeld. She also happens to be quite attractive, so she’s pretty much the whole package in my eyes. She was on one of the late night talk shows that are no longer distinguishable from each other and Jason Alexander, who played George Costanza, was also a guest. They shared an adorable moment where Jason personally recorded her voicemail message in the style of “Believe it or not George isn’t at home.” This is probably of little interest to anyone with a life, but since our Seinfeld obsession remains one of the many core aspects of the podcast that doesn’t entertain people, we had to watch it anyway.
Miley Cyrus is a former Disney star who was grew up to be bonkers, much like previous Disney stars Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. No one is surprised by this, and the previous record for most crazy-ass moment from a Disney star belonged to Britney Spears for shaving her head and attacking a car with an umbrella. Maybe she just had an ill-conceived vision of what the dance routine for “Singin’ in the Rain” looked like. We have a new champion for most crazy-ass moment though, and it is our deal Miley. She’s decided shaving is not for her, so she’s grown a healthy forest of armpit hair to be the hero that the feminist movement deserves. Hey, if it makes the feminist movement also take up gratuitous nudity as part of their campaign, I support Miley’s efforts.
Have you ever gone to the condom section at the drug store and been confused as to what kind you should buy? Of course not, because the degenerates that listen to our show likely go in raw dog, give a fake name and number, and get their ass out early the next morning. While I applaud their dedication to creativity, those of you who buy condoms will relate to our story of a bit of some condom confusion. It’s probably safe to say that any story about condom confusion doesn’t have a good ending.