Sex Factor seemed like kind of an obvious parody to make, based on the popular show X Factor. However, making an actual reality show based on the idea of contestants competing to be the next great porn star is the kind of thing that takes lots of time, resources, money, talented people, and media professionals. Or apparently some horny people and a GoPro, because famous porn site xHamster has done just that. An actual reality show, with episodes and editing and other things we thought only Mark Burnett could do, Sex Factor has released their inaugural episode, and it’s hosted by porn superstar Asa Akira. Now I know what you’re thinking: why would people compete to be a porn star? Well, they’re giving the winner a million dollars. Just remember that next time people say there’s no money in porn anymore. So long as we’re able to find new ways to infuse tits into our lives, there will be money to be made. Think about it- haven’t you watched reality shows and though, “this would be so much better if the contestants were naked”? Well, maybe not so much for Biggest Loser, but most other ones. Sex Factor answers this question, and as it turns out, reality shows are way the hell better with blowjobs and anal.
Does the healthcare industry confuse you? Does it seem unfair and unethical, like no matter what you do there’s more costs and debt piling up? You could go on Sex Factor and try to win a million dollars, but if you’re old, you’re running out the clock at this point. So when your spouse’s medication costs keep increasing, what can you do? Well, a creative gentleman thought murdering his wife was a pretty good solution. You might think it’s not that great an idea, but not only has he stopped the need for the medication, he’ll also be saving on rent and utilities for the rest of his life. Plus he’ll probably have more sex in prison than he’s had for the last 20 years combined. Who’s stupid now?
We here on The Devil’s Advocates are not exactly known for being very happy, but occasionally even we find things that cheer us up. Puppies, girls in sundresses, alcohol, Ariana Grande music videos, and this lady’s viral video of her wearing a Chewbacca mask. You’ve never loved anything as much as this woman loves her Chewie mask. Let that wash over you, because once the laughter dies down, it’s actually pretty depressing that most of us are that jaded. Luckily, there’s 153 episodes of our miserable personalities to remind you of this fact. Happy listening. Rawr.