Furry porn, furries, furry fandom… if you listen to this show you’ve heard these terms before. Furries, or furry fandom in more clinical terms, are people who like to dress up as animals, often cartoon animals, and have sexual relations of some kind which can be found in the fascinating category of furry porn. Why do people turn into these strange creatures? Did something crosswire their brains at an early age to mix cartoons and animals with sexual desire? It’s hard to say, but the aftermath of this situation is that cartoon characters used by major brands get unwillingly sucked into this world thanks to social media. Recently the furry collective started tweeting porn featuring furries to Tony the Tiger on Twitter. Tony the Tiger is the frosted flakes-loving tiger from Kellogg’s, who says they’re g-r-r-reat! He’s meant to get kids hooked on sugar at an early age, which I guess is less harmful than seeing cartoon animals have sex, because Tony the Tiger had to address the masses and ask them to stop sending him furry porn. Obviously he is being distracted from his main purpose of creating childhood obesity, which is a problem. Luckily the far savvier Chester Cheetah saw the opportunity and displayed his cheese-loving pimp hand with a more progressive response.
Speaking of cheese-loving, the Republican debate was the other day, and it was filled with cheesy jokes, stupid comments, and a general aura of idiocy. So it was just like all the other debates. Trump stayed out of this one, because David Bowie’s corpse now known as Megyn Kelly won’t suck his dick, but this may have been a smart move. The moderators this time around attacked the candidates with harsh criticism and undermined all the candidates by using these things called “facts.” Trump was wise to skip it; he likely has an insider at Fox News filling him on this sort of thing. Cheating is the only way to be sure you can win, which is exactly why he’s the best Republican candidate. That and the joy of watching the world burn during its death throes.
Barbie has long been the standard for unattainable body proportions, but now that the responsibility of making girls feel bad about themselves at an early age is shared by several magazines and TV shows, the Barbie doll is free to cater to a “wider” audience. Puns are so clever, aren’t they? However, the audience isn’t much wider apparently, since the new Barbie shapes range from the traditional Barbie to an even skinnier Barbie, and a Barbie that is supposed to be a little curvier. On what planet this Barbie is “curvy” I have no clue, but I guess to kudos to Mattel for recognizing and then not really addressing the concern of unattainable standards of beauty.
Chris was brave enough to try speed dating this week. Some people think speed dating is something you do when you’re out of options and your desperation takes over. Some people are right. Thus, he gave it a shot. Did Chris the lovable loser have success, or is this another story of cringe and failure? You’ll have to listen to find out, but I can say that the story delivers on entertainment value. You’ll enjoy the journey, just like Chris should’ve during the event… but self-hatred can be a tricky little bitch.