Kendra Wilkinson isn’t quite a household name, but it’s certainly a mansionhold name. She was one of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner’s infamous girlfriends featured on the reality show The Girls Next Door, along with Holly Madison and Brigitte… uh, I don’t know her last name. The old one. Kendra Wilkinson and Holly Madison mostly made out well for themselves; Kendra Wilkinson went on to star in her own show, Kendra on Top, and Holly went on to star in a Las Vegas show called Peep Show, which I’m guessing is kind of like the Elizabeth Berkeley classic movie Showgirls. I’m basing that guess on absolutely nothing. Anyway, being attractive and willing to have sex with rich old men is a pretty bankable career choice, but you can never really escape your past no matter how high you climb. In some shocking news, apparently Kendra and Holly are not friends, and have gotten into a little Twitter fight. Hard to believe that two class act beacons of intelligence would come to be at odds, but any concept of keeping things civil went away once Kendra started describing Holly’s tasks when attending to Hef’s sexual needs. Apparently she was on cleanup duty, but you know instead of napkins or a washcloth she had her mouth. No word yet on what tasks Kendra Wilkinson was responsible for, or which part of body was to be used doing it. Stupid attractive girls are the unsung heroes of the economy. Forget illegal immigrants- the real jobs no one wants to do but still need doing are the ones done by hot girls with large ambitions and small vocabularies.
Speaking of dirty jobs no one wants to do except sociopaths, police officers have always been an interesting bunch. What could possibly motivate someone to want to be a cop? Is it the life-threatening nature? The low pay? The uncomfortable goofy uniforms? The administrative tasks? No, there’s only one reason anyone would want to be a cop: power. The only redeeming factor of being a cop is that you have power over others and protection from your colleagues when you do something bad. Nah, our boy officer Glasscock he didn’t rape that girl, he was helping her inspect her vulva to be sure there was no urine on it from when she pissed herself after the real criminals scared her. So, the very nature of the job attracts mostly sociopaths, and gives them power over others. This seems like a wise idea. Have you ever met a cop that you didn’t already know from somewhere else and thought “This seems like a good guy, I like and trust him.” If you answered yes, you’re either a liar or a cop. I guess that’s redundant. This week we hear the story of Ben vs. the Cops, a harrowing tale of being talked down to and fighting back the only way people can: with money. He’s doing it for all of us, the little people, so that one day we can all look back and say “remember when Trayvon Martin was killed? Well Ben evened the score for us by fighting that speeding ticket.” He’s the hero we need in these troubled times. The type of people who want to be cops are people like George Zimmerman, except he only made it as far as neighborhood watch because of lazy/stupid. Although he did get clever trying to profit off of his murder by auctioning off the weapon he used. Your life is really coming together, sir. Watch yourself though, a lot of people may feel the need to stand their ground around you.