Hillary Clinton has been building toward the Democratic nomination for president ever since a chubby intern put Bill Clinton’s presidential prick in her mouth back in the 90s. She is a smart and ambitious woman, and once Bill was caught shoving cigars in beret-wearing girls’ twats, she seized the opportunity. The conversation probably went something like… hey Bill, I can stick by you and help save your presidency at the cost of my own dignity, and in return you’ll help me for the next two decades ascending the political landscape until I get to be president. Or, I can leave you and help destroy your legacy. Hillary Clinton was probably angrier than that, but you get the idea. I think we all know what Bill chose. However, the first female president isn’t nearly as exciting as the prospect of letting Bill Clinton run amok in the White House once more, chasing interns and having panty raids, but this time there’s no threat of impeachment. The antics that could come of this are far better than breaking any glass ceiling. Donald Trump is a reality star running for president, but Bill Clinton is the reality star we all want to see running around as the spouse to the president.
The hosts of the Devil’s Advocates may be white male cis scum, but one of them is still very oppressed. Ben discusses the group of people he belongs to that has been held down for far too long, at the mercy of all the normies who never take into consideration the logistics of the difficult lives led by America’s red-headed stepchildren: left-handed people. Scissors, power tools, spiral notebooks… we live in a constant hell that no one cares to do anything about. Well, rise up, lefties, because today starts the southpaw revolution. No longer will we be relegated to awkward right-handed school desks that make note-taking impossible. We’re here, we’re weird, get used to it. We’re smarter and die sooner. We’re more creative but less agreeable. Respect us. We are legion. But we won’t do much about all this, since weapons are hard to hold.