Dating advice is the last thing anyone on this show is qualified to give, but it’s Valentine’s Day, so we attempt to get the opinions of smarter people and articles to help you land a 2nd date. We never seem to, but with the dating advice we find this week, you’re sure to get that next encounter with a special lady or man. I mean, we’ve covered all kinds of dating advice and it’s never worked out before, but this time is different. C’mon, it’s Valentine’s Day, dating advice counts for extra! Be a sport and stick with us on this one. In the words of Rodney Dangerfield: “We’re all gonna get laid!”
Kanye West is an artist. You can tell because he constantly reminds everyone that he’s an artist. All the great artists always reminded everyone of their chosen hobby, which is why they were so great. Your history books probably told you that Michelangelo was a great artist because he painted the Sistine Chapel, but that ain’t right. He was great because he told everyone he was an artist. Then he had a ninja turtle named after him, squashing any further doubt. Kanye may not be a ninja turtle (this week) but he does love fish sticks. And Taylor Swift, apparently, since he’s gone a on a Twitter tirade to defend his lyrics saying he might have sex with her. His arguments are coherent, relevant and unassailable, provided you are one of his sycophant crew members. Enjoy the latest Twitter drama. We will… mostly because it gives us an excuse to look creepily at pictures of Taylor Swift’s legs.
Our favorite video this week is of a girl talking about how she doesn’t want to be a parent. Everyone is on her case saying she’s an idiot, but in true Devil’s Advocates fashion, we believe the opposite is true. When you hear us defend her, you’ll understand that it is in fact society that is stupid, not this adorable little professor.
We’re transitioning into a world of adult infants, highlighted by the video just mentioned, but other disturbing trends are starting to emerge as well. Grownups dressing as mermaids, adult coloring books, cuddling parties, Bernie Sanders… what exactly is happening to everyone? Are we all becoming overgrown children unwilling to accept the depression of adulthood? America was built on settling, and unless everyone realizes their place and gets back to being unhappy, I don’t know how we’re going to make it another 10 years.