Love is in the air! No, wait, that’s sewage. Valentine’s day is this week, so we discuss the age-old question “is there someone out there for everyone?” Ben says no, Josh says yes- sort of, and both of them prove their points the only way they know how- with midgets. The discussion then turns to examine just what the hell love actually is… respect? attraction? Something intangible? And perhaps for the first time ever on the show, Josh explains it to Ben in a way that actually converts him to accepting Josh’s definition of what love actually is… and they agree on something! It’s a magical Valentine’s Day, and whether you’re happily married or forever-alone, we can all agree that Ben and Josh are adorable together! Does anyone still believe they’re not gay?
It’s our last episode of 2013, and we wanted to go out with a bang and show everyone just why this podcast is such a success!* So Josh and I took a trip down memory lane and put together the funnies, scariest, weirdest, most titillating things that happened on the show and talk about each one before playing it for you guys in our best of 2013 episode. Destroying each other’s self-esteem, getting haunted by ghosts, interview famous porn stars, talking with comedians, getting into trouble in Las Vegas, exploring our bizarre and disturbing psyches… you know, if you take an entire year’s worth of content and cull only the best parts into 2 and a half hours… it’s like one whole episode of good material! And that is our gift to you- one whole episode of the pure, uncut good stuff!
We have big plans for 2014, including some new content outlets, great guests, new bit ideas, and lots of other stuff that sounds great in our head but will never work out as well as we think. Such as the idea to actually try and make a good show- it’s our main initiative for 2014, but it will probably end up requiring effort and I don’t know how I feel about that. So no promises. But I can at least say we’ll keep shoveling out the crap you’re used to! And who knows, maybe the show will get better. I mean, if Sean Hannity can have a successful media career, why not us? We have just as many opinions with just as few facts! But for now let’s just focus on the best of 2013. It’s always good to rest on your laurels, I always say.
And hey, you know else was the best of 2013? You guys! I can’t believe we have listeners, and I can’t believe they’re people I would actually want to associate with, but somehow that happened. Listening to our show is literally te only thing that gives me any sense of self-worth, so we thank you guys from the bottom of our black, icy hearts. Seriously, thanks for listening. Now go get some of your goddamned friends to listen too!
One other special thanks to Aurora Snow. She was an absolute sweetheart to come on the show this year, and delivered an amazing interview. Her episode was in no small part a contribution to the fact that this show has acquired actual listeners. Show that beautiful, intelligent angel some love and check out her articles on The Daily Beast!
* I define “success” as existing
What an episode this week! Three different segments with almost no continuity, other than they’re all quite amusing as always. We cover lesbians, Latinas and Warcraft, but we begin with a discussion of the very rare occurrence of the “front fart.” This happens when you sit in just the right way as to allow your fart bubble to become encapsulated between your buttocks and will actually travel slowly forward and up your legs, to emerge from between your thighs. It can very ticklish! Then in the next segment, Kara notices Ben has a bit of a pattern in the type of girl he’s attracted to… and we talk about lesbians and the concept of bisexual as being both a legitimate sexuality, and yet sometimes just a case of girls just having a little fun. How can we tell which is which??? I vote we make all girls make out with all other girls and observe the reactions and then analyze the empirical data. For science. Then in the last segment, we fondly remember some of our favorite and most hilarious World of Warcraft stories. Dammit just typing this makes me want to get back on the sauce…
Things are getting creepy and weird on this week’s episode… we’re joined by a special guest; a spider who wants to be on the podcast… the spider doesn’t have much to offer though when we discuss some more racist topics and how pretty much every race has a small group of people that seems to enjoy being offended. Speaking of people who love to be offended, we give the fatties a good smack in the blubber. (Josh and I qualify, so we’re allowed… like when black people use the n word) but the real group of people who need a serious dose of reality? Otherkin! WTF are otherkin, you might ask? Well I have no goddamned idea, but Sam explains it, and we instantly hate these little helicopter-parented degenerates. Something to do with people that act like animals or mythical creatures or something… like, they’ll answer you by barking like a dog. If I had a kid that did that, I would tell them I was also an otherkin, and that I was a dragon. And then I would light them on fire.