The Cis are those individuals who identify sexually with the gentalia they were born with. For example, if you were born with a penis and consider yourself a man, and also find women and women alone attractive, then you are cis. If you were born with a vagina, consider yourself a woman, and are attracted to men and men alone, you are cis. Anything outside of those situations means you are not cis. So if you’re gay, bisexual, pansexual, transsexual, asexual, attracted to mayonnaise or anything else outside of the reproductive process, you are not cis. Confused? Try replacing the word “cis” with “normal” and try it. Make sense now? No? You are such cis scum. You’re probably as ignorant and offensive as Trevor Noah, the new Daily Show host. Listen to the episode for a full explanation, normy.
The Dis occurs in the beginning of the episode. Ben and Josh get in an extremely gay, childish and pathetic fight because Ben was feeling very depressed about something and Josh tried to offer words of encouragement but ended up sounding more like demeaning platitudes, causing Ben to overreact defensively, causing Josh to overreact offensively, and it just escalates from there. If you like childish little sissy arguments like most reality TV shows, you’ll love the first 20 minutes of today’s episode.
The Kiss happens in Grand Central Station. A viral video is making the rounds featuring a cute girl trying to “play a prank” by asking men for directions and then leaning in to make out with them. I’m not exactly sure what part is the prank – the part that freaks out innocent men being sexually harassed, or the part where men excitedly kiss back because we like girls a lot. Doesn’t seem like a well thought out prank, but I doubt anyone will complain. Now if you reversed the situation and a dude tried to pull this “prank” then the cops would’ve been there in about 3 minutes. It’s a double standard, but who really cares. A cute girl offering free kisses? Give me the double standard. A kiss from a cute girl is what most everything I do in life is based on achieving, so if some sweet lass is going to hand it out for free, everyone just back down. She’s doing the lord’s work.
The Ignorant Bliss is a permanent state of being around individuals such as Jessica Simpson. Ms. Simpson is in a classification of intelligence that I wouldn’t quite call handicapped, but the word remedial comes to mind. Somewhere I the realm of Forrest Gump perhaps. Now, what if I told you that her “clothing line” which as far as I can tell is no different than any other Wal-Mart clothing but with her name on the tag, rakes in over ONE BILLION dollars a year? Well, that’s what I’m telling you. Look it up if you don’t believe me. I’m fairly certain Jessica Simpson has absolutely no clue how much money one billion dollars is. I really need to become a hot blonde chick with huge boobs. The world is your oyster for these lucky few.
One more bonus story this week: Kit Harrington, the actor who plays Jon Snow in Game of Thrones, is upset because he is desired sexually by women rather than seen for his art and craft of looking angst-ridden and emo in the snow. It’s a serious problem for attractive people and I hope you listen to this week’s episode to hear us raise awareness for this very serious problem in America.