Katy Perry is out of your league. It doesn’t matter who you are, because she’s a pop star who looks like a porn star but hasn’t shown her tits or kitty publicly yet, which makes her a hot commodity. Only someone incredibly deranged would think Katy Perry would keep them as a secret online lover for six years. Well, deranged is the perfect word for this young man in an episode of Catfish this week. He believes absolutely and completely that he’s been talking to Katy Perry online for six years and that she is in love with him. Spoiler alert: it isn’t her. When he meets the person whom he was actually talking to, he still doesn’t believe it. he thinks Katy Perry is punking him. So, when you walk down the street and wonder who lives in all these houses and apartments and what their lives are like, just remember that it’s people like this. They should really never the house, lest they learn that reality is a harsh mistress.
Speaking of creeps and assholes that should stay home, some of the USA swimmers in the Rio Olympics should’ve stayed home as well. After claiming they were robbed at gunpoint, surveillance footage came out that shows that it’s a bit more complex. There were guns, and money was exchanged, but there was also vandalism on their part and some tomfoolery. What really happened? Who knows, but more importantly who cares. People revere Olympic athletes, but let’s not forget how athletes are born: being jock assholes in high school and beating up nerds. This should surprise no one. Is it that obvious I spent a lot of time in lockers during high school?