Fox news is the best thing to happen to America, according to those who are over 60 and mildly attractive Alaskan governors. On the very rare occasion where Fox News goes off script, however, the real show begins. You see, when you arm an entire news channel with the Rupert Murdoch Kool-Aid and give them their marching orders, a lot can be accomplished… until one of these silly girls reporting suddenly starts thinking for herself. Megyn Kelly has been at Fox News for a long time and can usually be counted upon to spew the pre-determined opinions required of her. However, she’s outsmarted them this time- she exploited a weakness in the Fox News system by being a female. Fox News likes white men doing the work, because we all know where women really belong. Unfortunately they let one of these “women” through to report, and she developed her own thoughts! Rand Paul, next up in the psychopath round table for Republican presidential candidates, couldn’t keep his cool two days into his campaign when one of these damn broads mouthed off to him in an interview with her “questions.” So he did what all conservatives do after a loss- he runs home to Fox News and spins it into a victory. Unfortunately, this was not going to happen on Megyn Kelly’s watch, since she apparently just realized she’s a woman and should probably hold Rand Paul accountable being that it’s still a “news” channel, according to those who also think Mad Men is a show about modern family values. There’s nothing more enjoyable than watching someone get destroyed on live television by their closest ally.
In other news, did you know that customs won’t let you bring your udder drippings through security unless there’s a child with you? Alyssa Milano knows, as she was so rudely confiscated of her breast milk at airport security because it couldn’t be tested for dangerous ingredients. For most people, this would probably not be a huge issue because they have a life to live and there’s no shortage of breast milk or formula. Sometimes though when you have lived a life of being unfairly attractive and getting whatever you want, it seems odd that international security agencies don’t just bend to your will on account of your magnificent rack, all engorged with tit juice.
Lastly, we make the mistake of looking at some other comedy podcasts in the list of the top 300 comedy podcasts on iTunes. There are shows that ended years ago with higher rankings than us. I know what you’re thinking: “maybe the devil’s advocates just sucks and those shows are better even if they ended.” Fine. Point to the annoying theoretical fan of our show. Now try going and listening to these shows. If you are more entertained by this crap, then please leave. We don’t want you as a listener. *CORRECTION* I have been informed that we do indeed want you as a listener. My bad. We’re still bros, right?