There was a time when I thought furry conventions were the low point of what goes on in the Marriott ballroom, but today we learn that there are real doll conventions. These are real grown men who have opted out of trying to find a real partner in life and instead have chosen to walk around with a realistic looking life sized real doll and pretend that they’re just as good as having a real woman. We’ve all been at that point in our lives where we thought “you know what? I don’t need a partner. Screw it. Being alone is the way forward; I’ll just hire hookers in my most desperate times and maybe acquire a real doll for when I no longer have an ounce of dignity.” Well, I’ve been at that point, at least. But you don’t actually go through with it; it’s just something you say. So long as you cancel the real doll order before it ships they always got your back. Today, however, we watch some videos of these men and get a glimpse into some truly far gone individuals that do not have any hope left. It’s like looking into Ben and Chris’ future.
Before we get to all that, however, we review the latest Christian blowhard to be found out for loving sex with young boys. As disturbing as that is, what’s worse is that we notice a trend- that all these Christian mega-church pastors and radio hosts and mouthy pontificating Christian leaders who get caught all seem to kind of look like Ben. This leads to a very strange sociopathic theory that there is a future version of Ben who becomes one of these creepy pedophiles and is hunted down by the authorities, so in order to cover his tracks and confuse everyone he starts sending clones of himself back through time so that he never gets caught because there would be so many bloodlines of similar-looking creeps that the authorities will never find the true mastermind. Ben is likely off his meds again.
We also encounter a strange turn of events where Josh and Chris imply that Ben is gay for liking the movie “The Devil Wears Prada.” Ben turns the tables though, and suggests a new idea: that anyone who hasn’t seen that movie is actually gay. A confusing and offensive debate takes place, the conclusion of which can’t easily be ascertained, except perhaps to say that everyone is gay. We finally have equality.