After a tough couple months of depressing episodes, we’re back with a vengeance as we go on the warpath to destroy idiocy, starting this week with Peeple. Peeple is an app created by idiots for idiots that allows you to rate people as you would a business or anything else on Yelp. Folks are even calling Peeple the “Yelp For People” which has about as much marketing cache as Crystal Pepsi. Nevertheless, the creators are pushing forward despite numerous setbacks, such as everyone on the planet deciding this is a terrible idea and should not happen. Never let the public deter your dreams, because when you’re blonde and attractive, the world is your oyster and the people- I mean peeple- in it are just visitors in your center of the universe.
Feeling better after his depression from some personal life issues, Ben is out for blood, and his next target is people on dating sites who are boring or ugly. Being self-aware of his own physical shortcomings, Ben doesn’t mean regular ugly people. He means the sub-human morbidly obese people who rate as a one or two on the scale. These people have the audacity to message him, a solid five, as if they had a chance. Where do they get off thinking they can message him when he doesn’t allow himself to message girls far more attractive than him? There are always exceptions of course, and the point is very tongue-in-cheek, but truth is often said in jest. How dare they.
Honey Boo Boo, the fat girl with the fat mom who was on TLC once, has a new song. It’s stupid and awful and we’re sorry we even tried to rip it on the show. It’s not even funny to make fun of it; the whole endeavor is just weird and sad. We never even make it through the whole song, much like most of you probably never make it through an entire episode of this shit show.
A news story is making the rounds about a woman who sought a doctor to help her go blind by pouring drain cleaner in her eyes. She felt she was always meant to be blind, and finally achieves that dream with some household cleaners and a medical professional with a striking methodology to Dr. Nick Riviera from the Simpsons. This leads to Ben envisioning being a sub-par doctor himself, operating out of his apartment. Naturally his chosen path of medicine is gynecology, and oh boy are the ladies in for a surprise- he’s not even board certified!
Ben and Chris fell madly in love with Fallon from the VH1 show Dating Naked. She is so stunningly beautiful that it’s impossible she’s from this planet. Now that the show is over, their infatuation with Fallon has not decreased at all, and they follow her on Instagram to get the latest updates as her 15 minutes burns off the end of the fuse. This is usually the point in someone’s career where they become “gettable” for the show. Ben is on the case.