Milo Yiannopoulos is a senior editor at Breitbart, the website that blurs the lines between conservative news and conspiracy theories. In the past year he has gained a lot of notoriety for his paradoxical and passionate viewpoints. He loves Trump and Catholics; not as big a fan of gays and transgenders. He is an openly gay man. One might say extraordinarily gay; steeped in gayness. He caused a lot of controversy by saying Leslie Jones looks like a dude and is illiterate. He’s the poster child for the saying “You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole.” Bill Maher had him on Real Time this week and everyone lost their minds… which is exactly what he wanted. Watching people fall right into a trap set by a man of average intelligence but above average semen consumption is always a treat, but Milo Yiannopoulos may have finally met his match during the overtime clip wit Malcolm Nance. Arguing with Milo Yiannopoulos is like being called as a witness to defend yourself in court: stay calm, stick to the facts and you might just beat this thing.
SNL has brief periods of success bookended by decades of mediocrity. This year, we’re in the success period as SNL finds themselves with ratings higher than the last 10 plus years. So, what was the secret? Trump mainly; the rest of the secret seems to be having people who aren’t cast members of SNL play the important parts on the show. So, the less SNL people involved, the better SNL seems to be. Most of us could’ve figured that formula out without having to elect a mildly retarded man baby to make it obvious, but hey enlightenment is better late than never. On the plus side, if Rosie O’Donnell plays Steve Bannon, it might piss Trump off so much that he’ll self destruct. More so.
This week had most Americans trying to remember the fog of high school to piece together just what an executive order is. With so many executive orders being issued this week by Trump, just what power do they actually have? What is the point of an executive order? Aren’t there checks and balanced? If you’re looking to educate yourself on this complex subject, listen to this episode. And then go listen to intelligent people who actually know what the hell they’re talking about.
Yup, this week is a rerun. We’ve never really done that before, but some circumstances beyond Ben’s control caused this week’s schedule to complete fail even for a mini-episode. He’s very sorry, probably. We have carefully curated one of our best episodes from 2016 to keep you entertained this week. Like NBC says, it’s not a repeat if it’s new to you! If it’s not new to you, what can I say? Shit happens, we couldn’t record this week but we’ll be back next week for sure to make up for this rerun. Life sucks, wear a helmet.
Bane was the villain in the third Batman movie from Christopher Nolan. He was a psychopath and a terrifying presence, so it shouldn’t be surprising that when Trump thought about what to say at his inauguration, he would lift a few lines from the speech Bane gave in the movie. The speech was to convince people that what was happening was in their best interest, even though it was really a plot to destroy everyone. So as you can see, there aren’t any further similarities beyond those few lines. Everything is going to be fine. Trump is not Bane. Say it a few more times to help convince yourself.
VR Porn has been the dream all men have lusted after ever since that scene in Demolition Man with Sylvester Stallone and Sandra Bullock. We’re getting dangerously close with the advent of the Oculus Rift, and people everywhere should be concerned that potential partners aren’t going to take their crap anymore. Once they can just be single and, with a decent automatic sex toy, simulate sex close enough to not care about trying to maintain a miserable relationship, the entire institution of marriage might start to break down. Good riddance. One of the most responsible companies for this paradigm shift is Badoink, the clear leader in quality VR porn for all devices. If you’re getting into VR porn, do yourself a favor and don’t waste time trying to figure out where to get it. As you’ll hear on the show, Badoink is the best place to get VR porn – it’s the highest quality out there. 4k, 60fps, 3D, 180 degree bliss. Say goodbye to your wife.
Planned Parenthood provides a number of services to people, often lower income individuals in need of basic health care or guidance to help keep from making their lives worse than they already are. Services such as cancer screenings, STD testing, guidance and advice on options regarding reproduction and parenthood are most of what Planned Parenthood provides. Also, around 10% of the time, they provide abortions. Government funding for planned parenthood only covers the non-abortion services, so tax dollars do not go towards abortion. However, that’s not enough for religious zealots and general simpletons. Paul Ryan and many of his conservative like-minded imbeciles want all funding to go away for Planned Parenthood, because babies. I think that’s fair, so long as they personally have to financially supplement all food and clothing necessary for a child that the parents can’t afford. Fair?
Some dude went to the Fort Lauderdale, FL airport and started shooting people. We don’t know why yet. We’ll probably never know why, because by the time they figure it out the news cycles will have moved on to the next mass shooting. My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty…
Blind people need service dogs. No question. However, other people have decided they need therapy pets for emotional support. They want these pets to be able to go on planes with them in the cabin. Actual therapy dogs are trained to behave as such, but people figured out that if you buy a $40 dog vest you can pass them off as service animals. Airlines are confused and afraid to turn anyone down because the imminent lawsuit would paint them as heartless corporate masters. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need. Only heartless corporations have the power to stop nonsense like this. “They’ll hate you for it, but that’s the point. Corporations can make the choices other people can’t. Corporations aren’t the hero we deserve, but they’re the one we need right now.”
Virtual reality is one of those ideas that’s been around for decades and thought to be the future of humanity, like self-driving cars or equality. With the commercial production of VR hardware like Oculus Rift, HTC Vive, Samsung Gear, and Google Cardboard, we’ve been given hope that virtual reality might actually be a thing we get to experience in this lifetime. In the early 90s virtual reality was portrayed as a goofy experience with a cumbersome headset and odd hand motions, at least in that one Aerosmith video. Interestingly enough, that’s exactly how it ended up being now that we have working versions of it. Nothing makes you look dumber than trying to grab a virtual boob with complete concentration, but with the way things have been going, living in virtual reality probably beats waiting to see what 2017 has in store.
One of the largest draws of virtual reality is VR porn. In an effort to help mankind, we have acquired an Oculus Rift and tweaked a PC to meet the ridiculous requirements to run it. Over the next few months, or forever if our girlfriends leave us, we’ll be trying out some VR Porn to see how good it is, what can be improved upon, and how difficult it is to catch your gism in a paper towel when you can’t see. I wonder if subscriptions to Badoink and VRporn count as tax write offs for the show’s parent company…
One pornographic source that never fails to disappoint is Ariana Grande. She dresses in extremely provocative outfits, sings about wanting to bang hot guys, and has an eternal look of being a teenager. You might think someone like this wouldn’t be surprised when someone refers to them as being “sexy as hell” and being jealous when someone is “hitting that.” You might even think she might be flattered, since that’s mostly what she’s putting out there for humanity to judge her on. You’d be WRONG- ARIANA GRANDE IS NOT A PIECE OF MEAT TO BE OBJECTIFIED. Now, watch this music video of her humping an exercise bike and think wholesome thoughts.
Happy new year is a strange thing to wish someone. It’s kind of an obligation- now they have to try and have a happy new year, unless you mean it simply as that you wish they would have a happy new year. Either way, it’s not entirely in their control, and speaking honestly, the odds of most of us having a happy new year are pretty low unless your name is on a lot of gaudy hotels and you’re about to take an oath. So, assuming 2017 has misery in store for most of us, gather ’round and spend your final days of 2016 in misery with us. It’s our default state of mind anyway.
Merry Christmas, you little jerks. It’s that time of the year where Christians celebrate the birth of their role model for good behavior while screaming at each other over mall parking spaces. On that note, we present a very Merry Christmas episode of The Devil’s Advocates where we hate Christmas things and share our favorite miserable holiday memories. Grab the eggnog and the booze, and get ready to smell Santa’s whiskey breath. It’s the holiday season with the Devil’s Advocates.